There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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