i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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