you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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