I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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