You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
