I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
