So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Vodka?
Forever.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
