What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
