i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
