I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
