She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
