Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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