Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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