I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm both gender and math confused
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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