This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
