Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
