You took a bar mat shot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
