im gay
i know
yea but for you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
