I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They took my balls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Panties = found
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