I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
