his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
