Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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