Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
