i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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