It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
