I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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