Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
