that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
