dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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