So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
