I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
