so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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