guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize