Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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