My first STD was from a foam party
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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