she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
