I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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