she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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