He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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