Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
how drunk are you?
Several
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
