ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
