idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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