Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
