Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
