He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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