Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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