My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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