you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
