I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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