Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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