youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
