A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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