just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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