you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
