his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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