i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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