I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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