i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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