careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
