Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
