the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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