Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
