Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
