Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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