Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
