it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
