A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
